Dear Mum 2 Writing.

DEAR MUM 2

Ello mum,well we got here alright,Hera was right it is like Spain.
Oops,manners,Governor says manners maketh man.

Start again...How are you mum?
How are your legs,still hurtin you?
It'll be alright mum,maybe you can come and live with us,when we settle down.

It's good here mum,we're camping on a big site near the Sea. There ain't many people here...fact is there's only us four,the bar keep,and an old geezer who's the caretaker. It's out of season see,Hera says that's how the Governor likes it,nice and quite like.
We got up early today,went fishing,me,Hera and governor. Down the beach at five a clock,missus didn't come,Hera says she needs her beauty sleep...don't really understand cos she's lovely.
Lots of stuff I don't understand mum,but I'm learning ,I'm a quick learner,guv says.
While Governor was fishing me and Hera,mucked around,barked at the waves,chased seagulls...cor Hera can run like the wind,bloody fast she is.
Guv caught somefink,he was all excited he went... “Whoa,got yer,cum on then.”...he gets all funny when he catches somefink,me and Hera stood and watched then she said,come on Nero boy,lets run in the water.
Yeah that was good fun.
We used to go nearly everyday in Spain mum...but we got chased by the poo lice one day and Guv said we'd better be careful,missus said “enough,you three,you'll end up in Nick”...Guv looked at me and smiled...we didn't go fishing after that.
What happened see...guv and us used to get up at all hours,go down the beach. While me and Hera played Guv used to bang wood into the sand,just out in the sea a little bit,roll out a long line with hooks on,bang another piece of wood in..and that was it...cum back later and if we was lucky had some fish...nothing wrong in that is there.
Anyway one morning real early,Guv shouts “Oi,you two,in the motor,quick” great fun mum.
Guv drove over the sand real fast,bang crash,wallop;Hera was looking out the back window...there was another truck,same as ours,but green and white with a flashing light on top...Guardia Civil mum.
I thought,Oh no,we're for it now.
But guv's a brilliant driver mum,Hera was laughing,so was the Guv,I sometimes wonder about those two.
Anyway we bumped,and swerved,drove through the water,seagulls chasing us,poo lice chasing us...we made it into Conil village and guv parked up behind the big supermarket...he was laughing mum,all excited he was.

Anyway we lived to see another day...just.
Ain't short of fun wiv my new family mum.

We drove up yesterday,through Extremadura,nice trip,jollying along.
The Missus was driving me and Hera in the van,Governor followed in his Truck..
Anyway missus is German,and Guv says she has concrete boots...we drove through the country side,pleasant it was. We just came out of Aljeeo village,Guv was way back,on account of he drives to the speed limit...Hera said “oh,oh” and nudged me in the ribs...missus was singing,arm hanging out the window,radio full blast...Out he steps...Black shiny boots,tight green pants,leather GUN belt,tight muscle shirt, mirror sunglasses,cap pulled down low...Hand held high!

Missus yells “Scheisse”.

Hera says to me...like I don't know...”Oh fiddle...Guardia civil again.”

Missus pulls over,and gives him her Bette Davis Look.

“Hello officer” in German!

“Papers”
He snarled.

Hera whispered. “Here we go Nero boy just follow me.”
Along side the van,came cop two...Fat little git,greasy,scruffy uniform...I could smell the garlic on his yellow breath. He slid to the side door and yanked it open..

KAPOW!

Hera and me screamed at him,teeth barred,foam spitting over him,Hera looked wicked,mum...don't fink I came across as winnie the poo either.
He didn't know we had our seat belts on...he fell over on his bum, mum.

Macho cop ran round,shut the door quick like.
Just then Guv came running up;and said to fat boy “oh Senhor,many apologies,are you alright,bloody dogs,I'll give them what for”...and started to undo his belt...Oh Mum,I thought not again,and piddled.
Hera giggled and whispered “You watch this.”

Cop one and two,lit the cigarettes Guv gave them.
Missus said in German... “What's the matter sugar?”

Governor shrugs his shoulders,pats fat cop on the shoulder,and says to cop one.... “She can't speak Spanish yet,we just got married,we're going to see my old grandmother before...you know.”
Missus smiled at the Guardia civil...cutely.

Well everything was OK.
The Cop said, “You Spanish,you have a different accent?”
“No.” says Guv. “My family comes from the Frontier area.”
The Cop looks uneasy.
“You not Basque Terrorist,I hope.”
It was a joke mum...it was alright...Nada problemo!

When we got up the road,Guv overtook us and waggled his finger at the missus...she stuck her tongue out!
It's good here mum.
Got to go now...we're having a cook out.
Can't miss me grub.
Your loving son:Nero boy.

Written by Kevin Gallivan and has been registered as such.