Vera Playa Writing

“Soup again Vera.
You'll look like bloody soup soon you will.
Four days we been here.
You have a bit of toast for breakfast,chips for dinner and bloody soup for tea:you'll waste away you will.”

“Oh don't keep on Burt,you know I can't eat all that spicy stuff. I'll be on the toilet all night:good job I've got me imodium,that's all.
Anyway I had a hamburger last night didn't I;and chips.”
“Yeah,only cause you'd had a few.
Why don't you try these bangers,they're not bad,Bratwurst or somethink,bit garlicky,but alright.”

“Nah,I'll stick with me soup,luv.”

“Man-well,oi man-well”
“Si Senor.”
“Another beer,not bottled though,out the tap.”
“Que?.”
“What...another beer...Pint of beer...sir-vessa.”
“Ah,Si.”

“I'm all pink Burt,even me white bits,if I had any that is.
Don't know how you got me on this holiday,I really don't.
Bloody Nudist at my age...so embarrassing,
I didn't know where to put my face this morning when that sun-bed chap came round;good job I was reading the News of the World,that covered me up.
I mean I only said I'd think about it,and the next day you booked it...didn't hang around did you.
And don't look away,all sheepish.
These young girls.
I ain't so thick as I look.”
“Come on Vera don't spoil it,have a sangria.
Fancy watching the show later,there's a singer on;eh,what you think?”
“Yeah,alright.
But not too late tonight Burt,I had a bit of a headache this morning.”
“That was probably the hamburger.
Where's my beer,he's taking his time.
I think I'll get some more sausage and chips,sure you don't want some love?”
“No,I'm alright.
Ere Burt, you don't reckon I look a bit old to wear white trousers do you,only the magazine I was reading said women over thirty five shouldn't wear em:what you think?”
“No. You look good love.
Here he is...what's that bottled. Oh well don't matter. Grassy-arse senor.”
“Burt,be quiet. They might understand you.”

“It's alright,haven't heard another English voice in four days.
I tell yer what Vera I don't mind the eye-ties,the dagos,even the frogs are alright...but I can't stand the bloody jerries!
I mean look at this lot...loud,wearing all that gold,designer gear,makes you wonder who won don't it.
Lay around all day nothing on,then get dolled up in their best glad rags.
I feel a right nancy boy in this flowered shirt”

“You look very nice Burt.
Marks and Sparks that is.”
“Bloody ponce's'.”
“Schuss,Burt,don't get all uppity now.
Come on let's get to the bar,have a quick one before they beat us to it.”
“Yeah your right,hang on I'd better leave a tip for man-well.”

“It's all inclusive,you don't have to do that,come on hurry up.”

“Hola senor.
What you want Vera?”
“I'll have a Port and Lemon...No I won't,I'll have one of those cocktail things.
I'm just going to the loo,won't be a minute.”

“Senor.”
“What's that?”
“Is coca cola,for you.”
“Coca bloody cola...I'm a beer man,you being funny,or what.”
“You say,cola,no?”
“You pissed Man-well,I'll have one of those big beers like last night and a blue lagoon thing for the missus.
That's it, cor this is good beer.
Man-well this beer, Spanish is it?”
“Si,no Senor,is Deutsch...good no.”
“How much I owe you?”
“Nader is appy hour,you have more beer on house no,all clusive.”
“Oh,yeah right,give us a rum and black,quick like, before the missus comes back.
And here you are,five Euro for the kids'.
Bloody Micky-mouse money.”

“Alright Burt?”
“Oh,yeah just practicing me Spanish on Man-well.”

“Guten abend Madam,nice day no,see you by pool today,very hot.”

“Come on Vera,let's get a table at the front.
Before the rest get out of dinner,told you it was a good plan to get down to dinner early.”
“He's nice that barman isn't he.”
“Bloody cheeky bugger if you ask me...seen you at the pool indeed,good job I didn't punch him on the nose. Bloody foreigners.”
“Now Burt,don't be spoiling the holiday now.
After all it was your idea;going nudist wasn't it.”


“Flipping good beer though.
Dutch it is,they know a thing or two those Dutch,you know.”

“I think I'll pop into town tomorrow Burt,get myself some black trousers;what you think?”
“You'll look like one of the staff,tight black trousers.
Better get some more drinks in before the hoards get here.”

“You stay there Burt,I'll get them. Same again is it?
He might know where to buy some trousers.”

“You behave yourself Vera...you know what those foreigners are like.”
“Wont be too long.”

“Good evening Sir.”
“Oh,hi yer...we thought we were the only Brits here.”


“Brits...?
We from the Holland.”

“Right...try the beer,bloody good it is.”


Written by Kevin Gallivan.






The said piece "Vera Playa" Was written by Kevin Gallivan and has been registered as such.